Several years ago I got on a scale and found that my weight had reached 181 pounds. I quietly went to Weight Watchers, created an account, and used the online tool (never meetings) to lose 40 pounds over the course of eight months. I went from a size 12/14 to a size 6/8, found that I could suddenly fit into the vintage clothing I had always coveted, and an obsession was born.
For the most part, I’ve held pretty steady. I almost immediately bounced up five pounds from my lowest weight (136), and I’ve tended to hover around 145. Given that I’m a curvy 5’8 and change, I’m totally fine with this number. I don’t lie about it on my driver’s license or health applications, and I don’t fudge when asked. I worked hard to get there, and I’m down to own it, especially when I’m eating right and exercising regularly.
I’m not totally surprised that things have gone a bit off the rails since my move. I got on my home scale a couple of weeks ago, and was not at all happy with the number I saw. It corresponds to feeling sort of gross overall, from not feeling rested after a night of sleep to more frequent headaches. Also, my pants aren’t entirely comfortable. Hate that.
A few things that have been killing my will to live healthy:
- The weather. I understood it would be cold here, and I am well prepared with boots and gloves and hats and down jackets. When it comes to walking from the house to the car and the car to the office, I’m all set! However, I have no idea what made me think I could continue to run outside once it started snowing. Even if I bundle up, there’s the fear of injury. I’ve already had knee surgery and ankle surgery, and just cannot risk another setback like that. My ankle recovery was so hard that I still have a bit of PTSD. I’m not even kidding.
- The time suck of having a family. In my adult life, I have always been a planner. I was all into Franklin Covey in the 90s, and now I use Behance’s Action Method notebooks to plan my workday. I have a menu planner on my fridge, and at Thanksgiving, I handwrite a set of detailed instructions to get me through all the prep work and cooking. Establishing a new routine with Joel isn’t that hard. He needs quiet time in the mornings when I want to sleep in, I like quiet time at night when he wants to watch bleak TV, we both like an unfashionably early dinner. But when you add two dogs, two cats and a kid into the mix, it all goes sideways. I’m scared to write anything down, because when I can’t make it happen, I feel bad. Consequently, there’s a lot of stuff not happening.
- Going outside my food comfort zones. As I’ve mentioned before, Claire is a champ when it comes to fruits and veggies. That kid will mow down strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, bananas, broccoli, green beans, edamame, tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach salads. But she won’t eat fish, she likes bagels or cinnamon toast for breakfast, and anything more complicated than mac-n-cheese always gets the side eye. Last night I made broccoli-cheddar risotto, which was basically rice, broccoli and cheese. After three enthusiastic bites she started pushing it around, and then accused me of putting pepper in it. So. I find myself cooking safe foods for her just to make it easy, and also split that morning bagel with her, which I never would have done. (Blah blah age-old story I’m so freaking lame I die.)
So, I’m just going to put this out there, because I find that makes me more accountable:
- Today I started logging food at Weight Watchers again. I’m not changing my status from “maintenance” to “lose weight,” because the situation isn’t that dire and I know for a fact that even on maintenance points I will be forced to cut my daily intake significantly enough to lose what I need to.
- This weekend I bought a FitBit Force. I won’t use all the bells and whistles, like sleep analysis, tracking water intake and food journaling. But I do want to push myself to be more active throughout the day. On Sunday Claire and I went sledding, and I handily hit the recommended 10,000 steps by bedtime. Yesterday, I did half of that, and today has been dismal as I’m working on a couple of research projects and have just been sitting on my arse. I need more motivation to get moving, and I love gadgets! (Nevermind that it looks ridiculous with 99.9% of my outfits.)
- Two hours ago I joined the gym by our house. I’m one of those people who loathes gym memberships and always loses money on them. However, this step is super important, because I’m running the LA Marathon as a two-person relay in March. If I don’t run at least four days a week now, I’m not going to make it through 13 miles then. And since I’m running for Angel City Pitbulls? That would really suck.
I’m trying not to be all “boo hoo, my pants don’t fit,” but man. MY PANTS DON’T FIT.